Top 11 Rejected Functions For The Extra Buttons On Apple’s New Mouse

11) Kill: Smashes any bugs on your desk
10) Schtick: Accesses White House plans and transmits them directly to Jay Leno
9) Explain: Shows how having more buttons makes the Mac easier to use
8) Reprogram: Fixes users’ brains so they stop using the CD drive as a cup holder
7) Pie: Turns your Mac into a late-afternoon snack
6) Eject: Activates ejector seat when the boss is coming
5) Joy: Sends signals directly to the brain’s pleasure center
4) Time-off: Resets vacation and personal time used to zero
3) Windows: Replaces Mac GUI with Windows disguise in Windows-only shops
2) Baby Grand: Instantly turns your Mac into a baby grand piano
1) Button: Explains what all the @#%& extra buttons are for