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Elephant Time

A young man is wandering around the zoo looking at the animals. He suddenly remembers about an appointment that he scheduled. Unfortunately, he forgot his watch. He searches for someone who could give him the time.

He sees a zoo keeper standing next to an elephant. “Excuse me, sir,” says the young man “Do you know what time it is?”

The zoo keeper reaches under the elephant, grabs his balls and starts playing with them.

“Mmmmm, it is about 3:00,” the zoo keeper responds.

The young man looks at him in awe, “How did you know that?” The zoo keeper looks back at the man, “I looked at the clock on the wall right behind you.”

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Coming Home Late

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!”

His buddy looks at him and says, “Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife’s butt and say, ‘How about a blow job?’…and she’s always sound asleep!”

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Virgin Daughter

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a
short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life
would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the
honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The
card said nothing but “Nescafe”. Mom was puzzled at first, but then went
to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said:
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Woman With A Big Problem

“I’ve got a big problem,” a woman said to her therapist.
“Every time I’m in bed with my husband and he climaxes, he lets out an earsplitting yell.”
“I don’t see the problem,” the therapist said.
“The problem,” she said, “is that it wakes me up.”

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Teacher Problems

“My teacher is really giving me a rough time,” a boy told his father.
“Well,” his father said, “take special care with your personal appearance and attire, pay attention in class, do your homework promptly and you should be okay.”
“I really don’t think that will help,” the boy sighed. “She told me she’s three weeks overdue.”

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